"A living nightmare" and "a knowledge that one's world will never again be the same" are among the more common phrases routinely used by relatives to describe the complex diseases classified as chronic, severe, long-term mental illnesses. What does a family do when it wakes up in the middle of acute or chronic schizophrenia, bipolar illness, or any one of a myriad of similar diseases for which we currently have inappropriate labels, a proliferation of theories, and a dearth of diagnostic techniques and procedures?
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The feelings, reactions, and responses to a loved one's mental illness vary from family to family and individual to individual, and may encompass -- among others -- guilt, anger, fear, fatigue, or denial. Families may feel:
- Confusion and disorientation.
- Distancing or denial: whatever it is that's happening, it can't be happening to me and my relative.
- Extreme fatigue, possibly accompanied by feelings that death would be better than this.
- Guilt based on a very-much-alive stereotype that the parents are 'to blame.'
- Fear for the safety of one's relative, the family, and society.
- Outrage over the injustice of such a horrendous occurrence in one's own relative and one's family.
- Anger over the lack of adequate services and facilities for proper treatment.
- Anger at some mental health professionals in particular, over the fact that parents, close relatives, or the patient are rarely listened to.
- Concern for the reactions of friends, relatives, and colleagues outside the immediate family circle.
- Exhaustion from being on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, without an end in sight.
- Exhaustion from working harder and urging the sick relative to work harder because 'there is no reason why they can't get better, or function better.'
- Desire to escape the nightmare, including thoughts of relocation to another part of the country or world.
The previously described feelings, reactions, and responses are by no means inclusive, nor are they necessarily shared by each individual, but they do suggest the range of concerns and discriminations families must deal with, in addition to coping with a family member who has manifested one of the most difficult and severe diseases known today.
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Help for Families
