Suddenly, it was all over.
My friends and I all graduated after four memory-filled years here at the University of Memphis. And they were amazing years spent with amazing friends. Now they are all gone, having moved on to other parts of the country. Some of them have gone to work, while others are in law, medical, or graduate school. I have chosen to remain in Memphis to complete a one-year master’s degree.
This past year has easily been the most difficult and challenging time of my life. Academically, socially, emotionally—everything seems harder. I was so used to being the popular girl with numerous friends, as my cell phone never stopped ringing. Then without much warning, it was all taken away from me.
As an undergraduate, I had maintained a balance between working and socializing, and it had been a prescription for happiness—for times that I had taken for granted. That previous balance has become one-sided, with school now taking up all my time.
I’ve just lost all my momentum. I feel like I have had this incredible energy my entire life, a force that has allowed me to overachieve and find success in a multitude of ways. But now this energy is gone, and I’m having trouble finding it again. Nothing comes as easily as it used to.
I am left with these thoughts that I don’t need, and can’t even really conceive. I feel hopeless even though I shouldn’t. I am aware that I have so much going for me, but this knowledge does little to comfort me. I’m so apathetic, and I hate it.
I don’t understand why I continue to feel this way.
Graduate Student at the University of Memphis
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