Corinne's Story
This is my boyfriend and I. We’ve been together on and off since we were in high school and 14 years old. Right around this time was one of our “happier times.” With being on and off came the fights, the immaturity, the list goes on. Maybe we just weren’t compatible. But my perspective on all of this soon changed when I realized how severe my depression, anxiety and ADHD had been affecting my relationship, and more importantly my whole life. I had gotten in the habit of smacking Tyler in the face when I was mad, temper fits weren’t unusual, and I never did anything- all I did was sleep, forget my responsibilities and then beat myself up later as I was having an anxiety or panic attack about not doing what I needed to. I would make up excuses not to do school work, later I would use the school work as an excuse not to see friends or family, but then I would be so angry at Tyler for not staying at home and sulking in misery with me! I became very violent and angry any time I drank.
After a drunken night, when I literally attacked Tyler as I was having a panic attack, I decided it was time to set an appointment with a therapist, and this time go and stick to it—I had made and cancelled many appointments in the past year. I started going and the first few sessions were great. I was acknowledging where I was wrong, we were finding triggers, everything was going to be okay. And then it all hit me…Why was this happening? What was wrong with me? Why can’t I handle stress like a normal person? I began having suicidal ideation and it really scared me.
At this point, Tyler knew I was going to therapy, but I never told him why. I just chalked it up to dealing with my ADHD and being more responsible. Little did he know all else that was going on. He didn’t recognize the symptoms because he had never been around mental illness before. One night after a fight, when my self-esteem was at an all-time low, I confessed everything to him that was going on, and at the end I said “Please just let me know now if this is something you can’t deal with. I just need to know so that I don’t hurt myself anymore and can just end it at this.” To my surprise, his response was “Corinne, I had no idea any of that was going on, so how could I help you? I have never been around this so I don’t know what to do, but I will always love and support you no matter what.” He even ended up going with me to therapy a few times so that he could truly try to understand what was going on, how he could help and what we needed out of each other to get the most out of our relationship and have a fully functional relationship. A lot of minor problems in our relationship were causing major triggers of the depression and anxiety in my life.
Soon after this, my therapist and I decided that medication and therapy was probably the route I should go, so I saw my psychiatrist and started medication. After a few more months, I was starting to feel myself, I even had five great days in a row. Then I just felt like I spiraled out of control again, which meant upping my dosage of medicine. After it kicked in, I was still struggling with my anxiety and ADHD, but luckily my most severe depression symptoms were taken care of. Therapy has really helped me work through some of those lingering symptoms, and to communicate with my boyfriend, or anyone else around me. This has in turn helped me with my anxiety as well, when I am starting to feel anxious so that we can work on it right then and there to prevent an anxiety or panic attack. Now the other culprit is ADHD. I am in summer classes, but I can’t get anything done. For instance, I am writing this rather than a project that is due tomorrow that I haven’t started, or a 17-page paper that is due next week and haven’t even begun.
The point is that, seven months later, I am still going to therapy, I am trying out medications, I am working through it with the love and support of my family, my friends and even more so myself. Because I know I can do this. I will be successful. I won’t let my mental health conditions stop me. I am still learning. I still have my bad days. These conditions are a part of me and I have to live with that, but I don’t have to let them cripple my success.
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