If you or someone you love is having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK or text NAMI to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
Hello. I am a victim of sexual abuse, depressed, anxious, a sufferer of PTSD, a self-harmer, suicidal, eating disordered, BPD and mentally ill.
I am Tayler. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a best friend, a child of God, a survivor, an overcomer. I love reading, mostly young adult novels and poetry. I also love to write. I listen to any kind of music that has a good beat, or something I can relate to.
I was sexually abused by my cousin from the age of 7 to 15. I’ve been hospitalized ten times. I’ve been on countless medications. I struggle with an ED and have PTSD. I have also been diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar and Depression. I’ve tried to commit suicide multiple times. I have had six therapists. I’m on my seventh one now, which I hope is the last because I really like her.
When I was about 13 years old, I told my parents that I just didn’t feel right. They thought, along with many others, it was just a phase all teenagers go through. It wasn’t until they received a call from my school saying a teacher had seen the cuts on my arm that they finally got it.
When I was 14, I was hospitalized for the first time. I was there for ten days. The second time was two days after my 15th birthday. I was there for 18 days. And then I was in again eight more times. During my eighth hospital stay, the doctors told me that they did the math, and out of those last four months, I was only out of a hospital and at home for two weeks.
When I was 15 I told somebody, in whom I trust, about what my cousin had been doing. She took me seriously. The first cop I told, however, laughed and said “that’s just what boys do.”
My last hospitalization was March of this year. I was 17.
I graduated High School with my class. Something everybody said would never happen. But it did.
My point is that I am not depressed. I struggle with depression. I am not any of my mental illnesses. I struggle with mental illness.
I am not what has happened to me and I am not my circumstances. I am what I choose to become.
I am a survivor. I am a conqueror. I am an overcomer. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of all things good. I am strong.
I am Tayler.
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