Personal Stories

When we’re having a tough time, we tend to sit and dwell. So, let’s do the opposite. Let’s move and distract. If it seems simple, that’s because it is.

I’ve had to listen to "armchair psychologists" define what "crazy" behavior is and in the same breath say what a "crazy" party they went to the night before. Words are like that.

"Eating disorders can cause weight gain, weight loss or they can have no effect on weight at all. And all these eating disorder diagnoses are valid; one does not have to 'look sick' to be struggling."

I knew I needed counseling and sought it out, but the eight months following were a blur of jumping from therapist-to-therapist and medication-to-medication with no improvement. In fact, I was getting worse. 

Today, I am good. I won’t say great because there are days when I want to give up because I feel no one listens to me about mental illness. But I know I am helping some people.

I felt I had two options: Pick up the phone and ask for help or continue to be that officer with the stigma of not asking for help, because it’s a sign of weakness. 

The voices in my head were real and kept getting louder... Fear began to take control. Instinctively, I knew that panic would only make matters worse.

In this year alone, I’ve had a suicide attempt, a drug overdose accompanied with a felony possession charge, a reckless driving conviction, a DUI conviction, I lost my job, and a host of other difficult situations.

I have to accept that medication and therapy are what I need right now. And who knows, maybe I will need medication and therapy for several years to come, but that is okay.

For so many years of my life, my greatest wish was to not exist... I believed that my feelings of hopelessness, shame, and guilt were all of my own doing. It was all my fault.