June 07, 2017

By Luna Greenstein


Imagine having difficulty controlling your thoughts and actions. Imagine that your sense-of-self is almost entirely dependent on your relationships with others. Imagine struggling to manage stress, rejection or conflict. This is what it’s like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): a mental health condition characterized by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image and functioning.

BPD is a highly-misunderstood condition—even within the mental health field. So, to better understand this complex condition, I talked with a NAMI HelpLine volunteer who bravely told me his story.

Randy* was diagnosed with BPD at 17 after a suicide attempt landed him in the hospital. “The concept of being able to like yourself and want to live just went over my head,” he explained. “I also couldn’t handle being rejected. If I sent a text message and they didn’t get back to me for five minutes, I’d already be thinking about killing myself.”

After several years of talk therapy and one month of cognitive behavioral therapy, Randy's therapist suggested dialectical behavior therapy last January. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a cognitive behavioral treatment developed to help people manage symptoms that are considered “difficult to treat,” such as: impulsivity, interpersonal problems, emotional dysregulation, self-harm and suicidal behaviors. DBT works for a range of conditions (substance abuse, depression, PTSD, among others), but it was originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals with BPD.

Skill-Building Through DBT

DBT is a combination of group therapy and individual treatment designed to help therapists offer the best treatment possible. What makes DBT unique and effective is its focus on teaching participants a set of behavioral skills that help them cope with their difficult symptoms. “The skills are what people talk about when they talk about DBT; they are the active ingredient in DBT,” explains the creator of DBT, Dr. Marsha Linehan. These skills include:

  1. Mindfulness: Being fully aware and present
  2. Distress Tolerance: Tolerating difficult or uncomfortable situations
  3. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Asking for what you want and saying no when you need to (while still maintaining self-respect and healthy relationships)
  4. Emotion Regulation: Changing emotions that you want to change

Each skill is a separate module of DBT and it takes a full year to go through all four modules in group therapy. Some may choose to repeat a module to help make those specific skills stick—like Randy, who repeated all the modules twice and the distress tolerance module three times because that’s the skill he struggles with the most. It takes a lot of time and energy to learn these coping mechanisms and implement them when symptoms flare.

Everything in DBT is connected and works together to help people manage their symptoms. Skills are introduced in group therapy lessons and are learned through practice and homework. “We have a handbook,” Randy says. “It ranges from things like how to talk to someone you don’t agree with without getting emotional to ‘I’m freaking out, what do I do?’” This is followed with individual therapy that includes lessons tailored to each person so they can apply what they’ve learned to everyday life.

The Gold Standard

While it takes time and effort, the components of DBT work together effectively. Even though DBT has only been around for a couple decades, it has already improved and saved the lives of many. Research shows it’s incredibly effective—one study from 2014 showed that 77% of participants no longer met criteria for BPD diagnosis after undergoing treatment.

DBT is recognized as the “gold standard” for people with BPD. “It’s weird how much better I’ve gotten from it. Looking back, I was so different; I didn’t know how to handle life. Sometimes I still don’t, but I’m getting there. I’m getting better.”

*Name has been changed to protect our volunteer's privacy


Laura Greenstein is communications coordinator at NAMI.


If you or someone you know is interested in entering a DBT program, you can search for a certified clinician here.
In addition, you can contact the NAMI HelpLine at 800-950-6264 or [email protected], and we will help direct you on how to find the closest DBT program.

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NAMI HelpLine is available M-F, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m. ET. Call 800-950-6264,
text “helpline” to 62640, or chat online. In a crisis, call or text 988 (24/7).